Mom had psychological issues, so I guess itβs genetic. The same problems plague me and I feel pathetic. Everyone around me just thinks Iβm dramatic. I feel so alone and itβs not the first time Iβve said it. I wish everyone wouldnβt hand out pity and be so apologetic.
I donβt know how much longer I can keep all momβs demons out. Panic and anxiety attacks keep me so weak now. I feel like Iβm losing it and should turn the lights out. I know Iβve been hurting ones I love, this is not what Iβm about. I need to heal, fix the constant anger, but I donβt know if I can or even know how.
I try so hard to grow up and fix all of my mistakes. But Iβm seeing now that an apology isnβt all itβs going to take. Iβve see the error in my choices and I feel like I am just a fake. Consumed by the depression that I just canβt seem to shake. If I donβt find a fix itβll put my life at stake. Im bending from the tension and eventually I know Iβm bound to break.
I feel like Iβm already completely screwed. And anymore, I canβt get out of this bitch miserable mood. My life is spiraling out of control, itβs going to end up coming unglued. All my dreams are gone I once sought out to pursue. As my luck gets worse, my self-esteem keeps getting more and more skewed.
This is a mess I have personally made. I canβt begin to try fixing it because I always feel too afraid. Iβve gave up hope entirely, and gotten so dismayed. My world has been the price Ive paid.
I am better than this and I know itβs not right. I make excuses for myself and even pretend I tried. My strength fades and then dwindles inside. Then I look for somewhere dark to hide. Sleepless nights awake have always had my hands tied.
If I donβt get help, Iβm going to die like this. I got distracted and my life turned into a mess. I canβt even complain because I know that Iβm blessed. So tell me, how do I get this off my chest.
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